Do Courage
This whole year of newness has been exactly that...NEW. It feels like it takes me 30 minutes at least to make a decision and even when I do; oh do I waver back and forth and consider other options; as I constantly question, "did I do the right thing?"
Today, our students were testing and many did not go to the right rooms. Instead of trying to see where the confusion happened, the devil began to throw the flaming darts of accusations like not being as prepared as I should be, not communicating as best as I should have, and not being proactive enough. This is not the first time, nor probably the last, where defeat comes clawing at my confidence. When defeat begins to pound at the door of one area; it's soon that other areas reverberate with its cadence too. My heart was heavy with shame and guilt for something that I had somehow taken on myself. To me I was and am always "on call" so when something does not go smoothly I tend to ache about it...for awhile. After quite some time in this space and trying to busy myself out of it; the Holy Spirit truly stepped in...He reminded me to be "strong and courageous" no matter how or what I felt at the moment. My confidence wavered; but began to emerge like the sun behind threatening clouds of dismay.
It was literally a session of preaching to myself over and over again, "Be strong and courageous..." (Joshua 1:9). Oh the words that the Lord used as Joshua made his transition into new leadership were the same words that began to drown out the thoughts of inadequacy. No, I did not "feel" strong nor courageous; but by His grace I had to DO it in order to BE it. May our souls take courage and continue to take courage as we take up the shield of faith in every circumstance in order to quench the arrows of the enemy (Ephesians 6:16).
Today, our students were testing and many did not go to the right rooms. Instead of trying to see where the confusion happened, the devil began to throw the flaming darts of accusations like not being as prepared as I should be, not communicating as best as I should have, and not being proactive enough. This is not the first time, nor probably the last, where defeat comes clawing at my confidence. When defeat begins to pound at the door of one area; it's soon that other areas reverberate with its cadence too. My heart was heavy with shame and guilt for something that I had somehow taken on myself. To me I was and am always "on call" so when something does not go smoothly I tend to ache about it...for awhile. After quite some time in this space and trying to busy myself out of it; the Holy Spirit truly stepped in...He reminded me to be "strong and courageous" no matter how or what I felt at the moment. My confidence wavered; but began to emerge like the sun behind threatening clouds of dismay.
It was literally a session of preaching to myself over and over again, "Be strong and courageous..." (Joshua 1:9). Oh the words that the Lord used as Joshua made his transition into new leadership were the same words that began to drown out the thoughts of inadequacy. No, I did not "feel" strong nor courageous; but by His grace I had to DO it in order to BE it. May our souls take courage and continue to take courage as we take up the shield of faith in every circumstance in order to quench the arrows of the enemy (Ephesians 6:16).
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